On Becoming

On Becoming is a new book- a narrative nonfiction written by Toke Makinwa - an autobiography.

I got to know more about "Tokstarr" on YouTube, over 3 years ago when I subscribed to her vlogs, Toke Moments, an interesting weekly video series that I got hooked on. 
The babe knows how to tell juicy stories that'll leave you browsing for more!

Well, today Toke released her first book on iTunes for those that are unable to get a hold of the hard copy (which I would have preferred)... I read the synopsis and I knew I had to buy the book! 

I'll hold my reservations until I have read all of it, after which I'll write a review.

 

Edit: November 29

The time is now 12:25AM. I decided to read the intro to On Becoming, but ended up spending a little over 1hour reading 6 chapters 😳 Very intriguing I must say. Sad, too.

Going to sleep now as I have about 5 hours to rest before my 7am shift!

More to come.

 

Edit: December 2:

[I've been at work for the past 3 days so  I've been unable to edit the post). But here's what I'll summarize from the book].

Their love was on a roller-coaster; they'd break up numerous times (after her finding out that she's been cheated on), then get back together after he's asked for forgiveness and she's convinced herself that he's a changed man.

[Once a cheat, always a cheat. Guys!]

She talked about how she bleached her skin to "live up to the standards" of light skinned Anita- his side chick

He infected her with STI, probably contracted from Anita as she too had the itches as the text message suggests.

He got Anita pregnant and the news broke like wildfire, on gossip blogs...everywhere.

She saw the signs from the jump that would have prevented her from getting married to him, but she was blinded by love, and thought marriage would fix things.

Later on, she discussed her struggle moving on; moving out; finding herself again; the "pain that came with acceptance"; how thankful she is that she didn't have a child with Maje; how African women should be more independent as it is easier to escape abuse of any form.

She then wrote a reflection on the life she's lived, and an insight to the direction she's headed, and gave some advice in conclusion.

By the way, she lost her parents when she was 8 years old to a house fire and credits some of her struggles to having "daddy issues"-  not having a man in her life to direct her in the right path, thus, making Maje her ultimate idol.

***

I know there are two sides to every story, and in her case, 3 sides or even 4 and 5 sides (if we include the side women she's mentioned in this book).

Did she rush into marriage in hopes of fixing things? Did she actually "steal" Maje from Anita? Whatever questions you may have, you'd never fully understand her reasoning if you've never been through that path. I haven't, and so I can only say this:

No matter how blinded you are by love (provided you're not jazzed/your heart is in a calabash), you should realize that you cannot change a grown [cheating] man. You should have self-worth enough to walk out of an abusive relationship. A man should adore you and think the world of you, and vice versa. He should respect you and want to show you off to the world. 
Prayer, love and understanding are some keys to a successful relationship. You shouldn't feel as though you're walking on egg-shells around someone who's thought to be your soulmate. What is for you will be for you. Yes, as the saying goes, there's someone for everyone...but when God is involved, it'll be marvelous! Be true to yourself; don't drag relationships in hopes of making it work by all means, perhaps there's something you want from the other person. You won't die if you're not married.

Some screenshots I took while reading.